It's time like these...

Lately, I have found myself eating continuously. Like stress eating then I find myself trying to get rid of it. Why? I have a few ideas...

1) I don't feel good about myself.
2) I feel like I dont need to look good for anyone.
3) Might as well keep on eating, nothing else to do.
4) Annie eat your feelings.

I have been an emotional ROLLER COASTER that has not stopped. I feel like everything has finally hit me and it all hit at once. Like BAM! There ya go Annie!

Then Most recently I went to a concert with a friend and became addicted to this guy... I just had to see more and more of him, I got a picture with him and needed more. Im addicted to his passion for what he does.

But the picture... well it scared me. I have S.W.S... Skinny Wannabe Syndrome! That is till I look in the mirror or see pictures. I'm already scared of mirrors as it is, pictures just make me feel worst about myself. I dont understand much these days.

But I do know this, thanks to a few pictures I have become VERY extremely Conscious of what I put in my mouth. So much so that I have already lost my bloat weight in a weeks time. I really feel bad about myself right now, and I want to be smaller.

I want to be able to be picked up. Although the guy with the guitar noticed me at the concert I wish we would notice me more lol. As a friend, he seems pretty kewl!

On another note, I feel like I have destroyed my relationship, I hate hurting people it kills me. For the past 4 years I have been in a constant relationship. Done nothing for myself and everything for others. I put off school to make sure everything was taken care of. I regret almost every decision I have made. I just want to live my life right now. I want to be pretty and feel pretty. I want to walk into a store and not be scared to walk by mirrors.

I am so conscious of my body now it makes me sick.

I feel so incredibly bad about myself... I think I'm having a breakdown.

I need Jesus more than anything, yet I keep pushing and pushing and pushing till I'm at my breaking point then I snap and instantly feel bad.

I read a verse and it's instant conviction.

I am so scared of what is happening to me, I'm scared of how much more I will lose. All of my friends are going through stuff right now too it seems and I don't want to drag them through anything. This past month has been the most draining month for me. I feel dry and dead and I need a hand. I need someone to be there for me. I need a Hero...